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Step children are not always excited to have a new step parent in their lives, therefore you need to understand this and move cautiously in this relationship. Many times these children have lost a parent through an accident or a separation of their parents. This will be a challenge for many new stepparents who find it difficult to blend into this new family.

To a large extent, your relationship with your stepchildren will depend on how old they are. A very young child will more easily adapt to you as their “parent” than an older child. It would be a good idea to talk to other stepparents and learn some of the challenges they have faced before you embark on step-parenthood. If your step-kids are older, you will most likely become their friend rather than a parent. The prime parenting duties of older children, in particular teen-agers, will remain with the original parent and the new stepparent will be more of support to the original parent. Of course, the particular dynamics in each family are a little different, but the age of the children has a lot to do with how your role as a step parent will develop.

It helps immensely if you are blessed with an abundance of patience. This is a vital character trait you will be called upon to exhibit. Don’t assume you will have instant rapport and acceptance by your step-kids. It isn’t likely to happen for quite some time. Whatever the circumstances that separated your stepchild from the biological parent whose place you have assumed, they are likely to resist you at first. Keep in mind that part of the reason for this resistance and/or resentment is simply the fact that they miss their original parent. You don’t want to give up trying to establish a bond with the child, but you have to take it slow and easy. Don’t be pushy. If you make it clear that you’re available to help them out but that you’re not trying to replace their original parent, they’ll gradually open up to you.

You must keep in mind that you are the stepparent and how the original parent fits into the picture can be a very touchy subject. This can be true even if the parent is deceased, as the child will still have strong feelings about their mother or father. When your new spouse is divorced, he or she may still be the victim of unresolved feelings about their former partner. This can be a very sticky situation for you, as the stepparent. The biological parent to your stepchildren might have neglected the kids or even abused them but you must be careful not to say anything negative to the kids. Either stay completely neutral on the subject or simply point out the positive traits about him or her. It’s better for the kids to remember their life with their biological parent in a positive light and you must allow them to retain their own version of what that life was like.

Despite differences that may arise while raising these children, working from the same mindset is important for it to succeed. If you have raised your own children, you may find it very difficult raising someone else’s as the step parent. The main thing to keep in mind is that you can’t expect everything to be perfect right away. Your relationship with your stepchildren will grow naturally over time by telling them that you will be there for them and showing them that you care.

British Public Schools: Uppingham School